My Book

Dear Reader, It has been several years, many late nights, early mornings, lots of tears and loads of joy to finally arrive at this moment. I present to you, my book. (I am sorry the image is so small)

s.t.u.c.k.

Dear Reader, I often feel this way - stuck. And not the kind of stuck you know is temporary - the kind with no end in sight. I am trying very hard to change my thinking. I just finished editing my book about my experience with raising a son with AS (angelman syndrome). Recently, I was talking to Matt about how he felt when Conrad was diagnosed with AS. His experience has been so very different from mine. Where I feel more of the challenge of raising a disabled child, he feels the blessing. Where I feel like I am spinning my wheels, he recognizes the opportunity to change our view of what our life could have been to what it is. Of course he is right - Conrad is a blessing and of course we have had to change our lives significantly to meet the demands required to care for Conrad. However, I still find myself feeling stuck. I just can't help it. Stuck can be relative. I have learned to see things differently from my vantage point. I have learned to be more patient, to listen and to wait and pause for answers. Although 'being stuck' gives the conotation of not moving or growing; it can be that way unless you learn to stretch and grow in the place you are stuck. Do you ever feel stuck? How have you learned to accept it or gotten unstuck. I would love to hear from you.

Editing

Dear Reader, For the past several weeks I have been typing up some final edits for my book. You would think I would be elated - Not so.(well maybe a bit relieved now that I am finished) It was actually very emaotional and I spent a lot of timewiping my eyes as I relived all the emaotions from the first moments of when Conrad was diagnosed. I didn't realize how far I had pushed those feelings away. Or maybe I thought that I wouldn't have to go through all of it again. But I did. It was incredibly hard. But I am now on the other side looking up! Something so very cute happened a few weeks ao that I want to share with you. My boys (not including Mr. Conrad) were being pills to me and each other. So after bedtime prayer I had them each say 3-5 nice things about each other (Conrad was in bed already). When we were through, Wilson said, "Mom, we forgot Conrad! Can I do him now?" All three boys proceeded to say very sweet and insightful things about him. Some of the tihings that they said were: He is funny, he likes to watch TV with me, he gives good hugs, and he is nice. It was a proud mom moment.

Dix. Diez. Zehn. Ten.

See this boy? He is 10.
His birthday is never celebrated in a big way at our house. We have his favorite meal made by Grandpa H. (spaghetti, crusty bread and a cucumber and tomato salad). We have his favorite dessert, which is actually any dessert. This time it was homemade brownies with a chocolate chip icing. We don't sing Happy Birthday nor any version of it as he cries every time. We are not that bad for amateurs but he will not allow it. Maybe he doesn't like getting older.

Xlerator Hand Dryer XL-SB

Dear Reader,

It has been too long since I have written. Hopefully you have not forgotten about us!

I thought I would give you an update on what I have been doing....

Sports, sports and more sports! My eldest son and my youngest sons have been playing basketball for the past few months. I promised all three of them that I would attend all of their games. I love to watch them play and see how excited they are when they do well. I also love how they search me out among the sea of parents faces to see if I had seen their 'awesome move' or basket.

I must admit I didn't always 'see'. Most of my time was spent in the halls or in the bathroom with Conrad. He grew particularily fond of the Xlerator Hand Dryer. He would completely fall apart with laughter every time he turned it on. It was his sport, his way of getting me to 'see' him and what he could do. I have much to learn from this little human.

Are you ready to RUUUUUUUMMMMBLE?

Dear Reader,

According to Wikipedia; 'wrestling is a form of grappling type techniques such as clinch fighting, throws and takedowns, joint locks, pins and other grappling holds. A wrestling bout is a physical competition, between two (occasionally more) competitors or sparring partners, who attempt to gain and maintain a superior position'.

I was in a wrestling match today. During church. My opponent? Mr. Conrad.

There was grappling, grappling holds, pins, joint locks and a few takedowns. I attempted to maintain a superior position but was often thrown over. Because I couldn't very well pin my son to the ground and wait for the ref to count to three, I did the only feasible thing I could do. I called time and went home.

Conrad is now in his room watching a movie, drinking chocolate milk happy as a clown and I am at my computer telling you all about it.

Thank you for reading.

If you, dear reader, have anything you want to know please ask.

Live Long and Prosper

Jacob is a boy that rides the bus to school with Conrad. From the minute he sees me walking down the driveway with Mr. Conrad he is trying to get my attention. He loves to make hand signals. Anything from the peace sign to hang loose is great with him. And he loves it when you copy him or give him a new one to try. A few weeks ago I showed him the Vlucan (from Star Trek-are you impressed that I know this?!), 'live long and prosper' sign the other day. He loved it. He couldn't do it back but was intent on trying. He is still working on it.
On Friday he put his hand up to the window in a goodbye gesture. I touched the window and said goodbye.
As I stepped away from the window I saw one more hand waiting to say goodbye. It was Connie. He was looking and waiting for my hand to touch the glass of the window. As I touched the glass he smiled as if to say, "I can do it too, just thought you should know".
I know. Thank you.